REES-MOGG, ADELE... PACINO? OUR WRITERS’ AND READERS’ DREAM CELEBRITY TRAITORS LINE-UP
With The Celebrity Traitors final now sadly behind us, it’s hard to know what we’ll talk about in the office. Possibly Celebrity Race Across the World? Somehow, it’s not quite the same. But, fear not, the BBC has confirmed that the series will return in 2026: “with Claudia Winkleman once again at the helm, the now iconic Ardross Castle will host a new group of star-studded schemers in 2026 as the ultimate game of trust and treachery returns.”
In the meantime, we asked Telegraph writers and readers who they would like to see in that series. Let us know if you think anyone has been missed in the comments.
Richard Osman and Keeley Hawes
Celebrity Traitors has been unmissable from the moment Claudia made Britain’s finest scrabble around in muddy graves. So who next should fail spectacularly at simple tasks (hello, Clare Balding) or reveal themselves, like Kate Garraway, to be a bit of an idiot? Self-confessed nerd Richard Osman needs taking down a peg or two – it would be good to see how the House of Games presenter reacts when the tables are turned. Also, Keeley Hawes needs a break – let’s give another actress a chance at bagging a leading role in a BBC drama, and get her to outfox some traitors.
Andy Murray, Jimmy Carr and Joanna Lumley
Already a national treasure who is known and loved for his dry, self-deprecating humour, Murray would be a dark horse in the Traitors castle. Would he be a straight-faced Traitor who relished murdering, or a sharp but understated Traitor-hunter? He’d be brilliant at both. After the success of Joe Marler on this year’s series, we need another sports star who understands game play.
Whip-smart, sharp-witted and not afraid to tell it how it is, Jimmy Carr has the makings of a winning contestant. One-liners would abound, which can’t be bad for BBC marketing material, and he would definitely stir up some drama in the castle while providing the necessary comedy. Plus, the amount of Botox in his face would make him quite hard to read.
Finally, please, BBC gods, give us Queen Joanna. We need some glamour to make up for Jonathan Ross’s terrible outfits in this series. She’d be a universal crowd pleaser and would play a blinder at pretending she didn’t know what was going on while having everyone else sussed out. Even better: bring in Jennifer Saunders as a new contestant halfway through.
Sharon Horgan
Actor, writer and a 50-something woman’s woman, here’s hoping Sharon Horgan is on next year’s Celebrity Traitors list. Bad Sisters, Catastrophe and Motherland fans will be only too aware of her knack for finding the funny in the most mundane situations. Just luvvie enough to fill Celia Imrie’s shoes, potentially pretty good at the challenges (if she’s anything like her professional rugby player brother Shane) and with enough Irish charm to keep the gossip lively – I’m gunning for Horgan.
Mary Earps
A line-up is only as good as its Traitors, and recent events suggests Earps would be at home in the castle among Claudia’s deceitful chosen few. The former England goalkeeper has spoken previously of her desire to crack the celebrity world once she hangs up the gloves, and the explosive release of her new autobiography this week is proof she would not be afraid to say what she really thinks. Earps may fall into the trap of an early banishment though as the rest of the cast may presume she would be an obvious Traitor, but at least we could look forward to a blockbuster Traitors Uncloaked interview where she would eviscerate all those who dared cross her.
Thierry Henry and Sade
My first dream contestant for Celebrity Traitors is the former Arsenal and France footballer Thierry Henry. Charismatic both on and off the pitch, I’m not sure if I would want him as a Traitor or Faithful; I would just like to see him go far on the show.
My second choice would be Sade. I think she would be a smooth operator (I’m so sorry). But, really, I would like her to be on the show because she strikes me as enigmatic and mysterious – she would keep the Faithfuls endlessly guessing whether she was one of them or not.
Ruth Jones
I know you can’t pick a celebrity based on their character, but I’d absolutely love to see Ruth Jones on Celebrity Traitors. I like to think she’d slip into Nessa (her Gavin and Stacey character) at the round table.
If Charlotte’s success in season 3 is anything to go by, a warm Welsh accent can make anyone seem more trustworthy, Traitor or not. And Ruth’s is actually real. You can picture it: “Oh, I knows exactly who the Traitor is. Been lookin’ at you since breakfast.”
Abu Hamza al-Masri
I can see that there would be practical impediments to securing Abu Hamza al-Masri’s appearance on next year’s Celebrity Traitors, namely that he is serving a life sentence with no chance of parole at the supermax prison in Florida, Colorado – a facility with the jaunty nickname of ‘the Alcatraz of the Rockies’. And doubtless a few sensitive types would moan to Ofcom about the BBC using a light entertainment show to “platform” a hook-handed terror cleric. But Hamza would certainly spice things up. I can just see him now, whispering to Miriam Margolyes in the corner about how Davina McCall “looked shifty” at breakfast. As an actual villain, Hamza would be the most obvious Traitor in the programme’s history, a potential double-bluff so head-spinning it might prove fatal to Joe Lycett. Hamza’s hook and leadership skills would also make him surprisingly useful in the challenges. If he made it through the first round of evictions, he could even give Mary Earps some PR advice.
Yvette Fielding, ghosts and dogs
Whenever I watch an episode of The Traitors, the round table section starts and I think: “seems a crying shame they never have séances in this show...”. The castle, the set, the choreography – it’s crying out for a visit to another realm. The stumbling block is that séances require a medium to lead them, so for that reason the BBC must hurl money at Yvette Fielding to appear in 2026. Though I suspect she’s affordable: I interviewed the Queen of Paranormal last year in her suitably creepy home, where she hosts séances after dessert, and feel you’d have her at “turret”.
Camp, gothic and open-minded, Fielding would be an ideal player generally, but she’d come into her own at the round table, where she could tell everyone to shut up, stop bickering, join hands, close their eyes and then watch as she slips into a rictus trance to commune with the spirits, channelling anyone and everyone beyond the grave – Rasputin, Princess Diana, Captain Tom, Pocahontas – to get their theories. Now that’s good TV.
The other glaring hole in the format, as it stands, is the BBC’s tiresome reliance on only casting humans. My first thought to smash this was Paul the Octopus, the shrewd cephalopod who predicted those football results years ago, but I have since discovered he’s dead – though that doesn’t rule him out entirely, if Fielding’s around. Instead let’s go for Bubbles, Michael Jackson’s chimpanzee, who is somehow still living or, if he’s unaffordable, then Ned, Monty Don’s faithful but obstinate golden retriever, who must be the least scrutable figure on primetime – after Tess Daly, of course. There: ghosts and dogs. That ought to do it.
Adele
If anyone were born to be a brilliant Traitor, it’s Adele. With her cockney wit, infectious cackle and warmth, she’d have the castle in stitches before breakfast. No one would suspect a thing – they’d be too busy laughing, a strategy that worked wonders for Alan Carr in this year’s series.
She’s already proved she can keep a poker face under pressure. Remember when she disguised herself as a timid Adele tribute act named Jenny for that BBC prank with Graham Norton? If she can fool a room full of die-hard fans, outsmarting a few celebrities over porridge should be a breeze.
Her only obstacle might be if other players bring up Joe Marler’s “Big Dog Theory” – the notion that Claudia tends to pick the loudest personalities as Traitors. Even so, I’d back Adele to brush it off and make it all the way to the final.
Al Pacino
Tempting as it was to nominate His Majesty the King – after all, a “traitor” is by definition someone threatening the Crown – he has enough family snakes to worry about. So instead, I’m casting someone better known for governing a different kind of family: Al Pacino. Imagine him being made a Traitor and resurrecting crime boss Michael Corleone from The Godfather on screen, then the moment he reveals his role in a face-to-face showdown worthy of his one in Heat with Robert de Niro. We’d be on the edge of our seats. Pacino is also so gloriously dishevelled in public – once even allegedly mistaken for a homeless man when trying to enter the Groucho Club – people would likely underestimate him.
So, go on BBC, I beg you: make him an offer he can’t refuse.
Miriam Margolyes and Joe Lycett
I would love to see the likes of Miriam Margolyes and Joe Lycett taking part in Celebrity Traitors. Miriam, as a Faithful of course, would provide a shocking openness in analysing her fellow contestants, offering a breath of fresh air (unlike Celia Imrie). Joe, meanwhile, would make a stellar Traitor. He wouldn’t be a novice in changing his identity – he did change his name to Hugo Boss not so long ago. This, alongside his reputation for exposing and taking revenge on companies who scam their customers, would make a very good twist for an unexpected Traitor.
Natalie Haynes and Davina McCall
Having interviewed two of this year’s celebrities (Tom Daley and Paloma Faith), I wasn’t surprised to see them crash out. Both are charming, friendly and funny people, but lacking in the guile needed to sniff out Traitors.
I’d nominate author and Radio 4 presenter Natalie Haynes. As a passionate kickboxer, she’d ace the physical challenges. She’s also got a brain the size of Venus (at least twice that of posturing Stephen Fry) and a knack for seeing things from a fresh perspective. Her recent novels retelling the myths of Medea and Medusa showcase her ability to find the heart of the dark stories people spin. A background in stand-up comedy never hurts on reality TV either – it’d be worth watching just for her asides.
Beyond that, I’d also love to see Davina McCall in the castle. Enough people mix her up with Claudia already; let’s lend a touch of chaos to the next series by making them stand side-by-side every episode.
Hugh Laurie, Judi Dench and Craig Revel Horwood
We have really enjoyed the celebrity edition of The Traitors and have watched all the episodes so far. We love Alan Carr and Joe Marler as they are so funny and bring a bit of humour to what appears to be a serious game at times. It’s the first time Brian has watched The Traitors and he is loving it. It’s different watching celebrities than members of the public – I am finding it more entertaining with celebrities. I would definitely watch another celebrity edition. Our top names for the cast include: Hugh Laurie, Judi Dench and Craig Revel Horwood. Boris Johnson and Amanda Holden would be interesting too!
Louis Theroux and Miriam Margolyes
We have been absolutely hooked on Celebrity Traitors and it’s got us thinking about who we’d love to see in the next series. Louis Theroux would be ideal. His ability to ask the right questions could make him a big threat to the Traitors. Miriam Margolyes would bring a lot of chaos and comedy – we’re thinking Celia but louder and less filtered! Rob Rinder and Rylan would be fun to watch if one turned out to be a Traitor and they were forced to almost play against each other. And Sally Phillips would be great for her dry humour and quick observations.
Katie Hopkins and Dawn French
We’ve loved Celebrity Traitors with all the dented egos! A similar mix for the next series will work well.
For some controversy, maybe Piers Morgan and Katie Hopkins. Emma Thompson, Helena Bonham Carter and Joanna Lumley from the acting world and some female comedians like Jo Brand, Sara Pascoe and Dawn French.
Names we have talked about are comedians Paul Whitehouse and Bob Mortimer – we absolutely love their fishing programme and dry wit. We have also discussed Jimmy Carr and Reginald D Hunter.
Jacob Rees-Mogg
Keith Phair, Telegraph reader
When are we going to get an edition of The Traitors featuring recent MPs?
Line up Anna Soubry, Jacob Rees-Mogg, Caroline Flint, John Bercow, Tim Farron, Caroline Lucas etc. and then twist the numbers by making five of the twenty Traitors, so that it’s more realistic.
Paul Whitehouse and Bob Mortimer
Giles Widebank, Telegraph reader
Bob Mortimer and Paul Whitehouse. What a great combo.
A cast of Labour MPs
John Firrell, Telegraph reader
I do rather like the idea of having a version of the programme using politicians. After the next GE there will be quite a lot of ex-Labour MPs looking for an outlet for their supposed talent.
Sandi Toksvig
Anne Price, Telegraph reader
I would like to see Sue Perkins, Alan Davies and Sandi Toksvig.
Nigel Farage
David Ball, Telegraph reader
I’d like to see Nigel Farage, Bob Mortimer, Val McDermid and Victoria Coren Mitchell. One’s a crime writer, one’s a professional poker player, one’s a politician and one is a national treasure. Should be good.